Hi there, it’s Coach Lee.
I know you’re going through a tough time right now, and I want you to know that I understand your pain more than you realize.
Breakups are incredibly difficult, especially when you feel like you were the one who was mistreated, ignored, or even ghosted by someone you thought loved you and was loyal to you.
But today, I want to talk to you about something important: not becoming what hurt you.
When you’re hurting from a breakup, it’s natural to feel a range of emotions-anger, sadness, frustration, and even betrayal.
Your ex might have seemed unwilling to try, acted cruelly, or appeared indifferent to your pain.
They might have dumped you by text or became annoyed at your attempts to reconcile.
These experiences can leave deep scars.
But instead of letting these wounds define you,
I want to encourage you to remember this pain and use it as a guide for how not to treat others, especially in future relationships.
Remember the Pain
First and foremost, it’s crucial to remember how you felt during this breakup.
Remember the nights you cried yourself to sleep, the constant checking of your phone for a message that never came, and the overwhelming feeling of rejection.
This pain is not something you want to inflict on anyone else.
When you remember how much it hurt, you gain a powerful tool: empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.
By holding on to the memory of your pain, you can become more empathetic towards others.
This empathy will make you a better partner in future relationships because you’ll be more aware of how your actions can impact someone else’s feelings and life.
Don’t Become What Hurt You
It’s easy to become cynical and hardened after being hurt.
You might think, “If my ex could treat me like this, why should I bother being kind or patient in my next relationship?”
But this mindset only perpetuates a cycle of pain and hurt.
Instead, choose to break that cycle.
Remember how your ex’s unwillingness to try or their indifference made you feel.
Resolve to never make someone else feel that way if you can help it at all.
If you’re in a relationship and things get tough, don’t just walk away.
Be willing to put in the effort, even when it’s difficult.
Relationships require work, and feelings can ebb and flow.
Just because things aren’t perfect all the time or you experience “bordem” doesn’t mean it’s time to give up.
Be Willing to Work on Future Relationships
One of the most important things you can do in future relationships is to be willing to work on them instead of giving up.
Every relationship will face challenges-whether it’s miscommunication, different priorities, annoying habits, distance, disagreements, or just the normal ups and downs of life.
The key is to face these challenges head-on, with a commitment to working through them together.
When you’re tempted to throw in the towel because things aren’t as exciting as they once were, or because you’re feeling bored, remember how it felt when your ex gave up on you.
Use that memory as motivation to keep trying.
Put in the effort to communicate, to understand, and to find solutions together.
Don’t let the fear of discomfort or hard work push you to give up on someone who might be worth the effort.
Practice Empathy and Understanding
Empathy and understanding are crucial in any relationship.
Remembering how you felt when your ex seemed cruel or indifferent can help you cultivate these qualities.
When your partner is struggling or when you’re having a disagreement, try to put yourself in their shoes.
Understand that they have their own fears, insecurities, and pains.
Approach conflicts with kindness and patience.
Instead of reacting with anger or frustration, take a step back and try to understand where your partner is coming from.
This doesn’t mean you should accept mistreatment or ignore your own needs, but it does mean approaching situations with a desire to understand and to find a resolution that works for both of you.
Go the Extra Mile…Or Ten
In any relationship, there will be times when you don’t feel like putting in the extra effort.
Maybe you’re tired, stressed, or just not in the mood.
But it’s during these times that going the extra mile can make a huge difference.
Whether it’s a small gesture of kindness, a thoughtful message, or simply listening when your partner needs to talk, these efforts show that you care and that you’re committed to the relationship.
Remember how it felt when your ex seemed annoyed by your attempts to reconcile or when they dismissed your feelings.
Don’t let your partner feel that same sense of rejection or unimportance.
Show them that you’re willing to go the extra mile, even when it’s not convenient or easy.
Don’t Let Boredom or Faded Feelings Make You Give Up
Relationships naturally change over time.
The initial excitement and infatuation (a.k.a. limerence) often give way to a deeper, more stable kind of love that can often be misunderstood as boredom.
This transition can sometimes be mistaken for falling out of love, but it’s actually a sign of a maturing relationship from the early days of depending almost completely on passion to one fueled more by commitment, companionship, and a sense of family.
Don’t let boredom or the inevitable fading of those intense initial feelings make you give up on a relationship.
Understand that love evolves and that the deep connection you can build over time is far more valuable than the fleeting excitement of a new relationship.
When things feel routine or dull, find ways to reignite the spark.
Plan a surprise date, take up a new hobby together, or simply spend quality time reconnecting.
Relationships Take Work
One of the biggest misconceptions about relationships is that they should be easy if they’re meant to be.
The truth is, all relationships take work and have difficult times.
Don’t believe the lie that says it will always be easy.
Relationships require communication, compromise, and a willingness to grow together.
There will be times when it feels like more work than it’s worth, but these are the moments when your commitment is truly tested.
If you only stayed when the relationship was easy, then your commitment is shallow and meaningless.
Remember how you felt when your ex gave up on the relationship.
Use that memory as a reminder that giving up should not be an option unless there are insurmountable issues.
Be willing to put in the work, to face the challenges, and to grow together with your partner.
Treat Your Partner with Gentleness, Kindness, and Patience
The way you treat your partner can make all the difference in the health and happiness of your relationship.
Treat them with gentleness, kindness, and patience.
When they’re going through a tough time, be their support.
When they make a mistake, offer understanding and forgiveness.
When they need to talk, listen with empathy.
Remember how you felt when your ex treated you harshly or dismissed your feelings.
Don’t let your partner feel that same pain.
Show them love and respect, even in difficult times.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore your own needs or accept mistreatment, but it does mean approaching your relationship with a mindset of kindness, compassion, and devotion.
Anything worthwhile takes work and is often difficult.
Be willing to build something using the difficulty as steps to a strong, compassionate, and loving relationship that can stand the test of time.
Keep Trying
Lastly, and for the sake of repetition, KEEP TRYING.
It’s nothing special to give up and leave a relationship.
Anyone can do that.
Relationships are not always easy, but they are worth the effort.
When things get tough, when you’re feeling frustrated or hurt, remember why you’re in the relationship.
Look at what is admirable about your partner.
Remember the love and connection you share with your partner.
Use that as motivation to keep trying, to keep working through the challenges, and to keep growing together.
Don’t let the pain of your past define your future.
Use it as a lesson, a guide for how to be a better partner, and a reminder of the kind of love and commitment you want to give and receive.
Don’t ever become what hurt you.
Instead, become the kind of person who heals, who loves deeply, and who is willing to put in the work for a meaningful, lasting relationship.
In conclusion, breaking up is hard, and the pain you’ve felt is real.
But instead of letting that pain turn you into someone who hurts others, use it to become a better, more empathetic, and committed partner.
Remember your pain, but don’t let it define you.
Choose to treat others with kindness, patience, and love. Keep trying, keep growing, and never give up on the possibility of a beautiful, fulfilling relationship.
Get my Emergency Breakup Kit to give you a strong chance of getting your ex back!
Sincerely,
Coach Lee
Originally published at https://myexbackcoach.com on August 5, 2024.
