Even though this question has only temporary relevancy because it’s about a certain day of the year, it’s on my list of top 5 questions that I receive about getting an ex back after a breakup.
In fact, the question is usually a bit of a two-part one in that I’m usually asked something like, “Should I send my ex a gift for Valentine’s Day? Or should I just wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day?”
I answer these questions in greater detail in my video below, but I’m going to answer that two-part question as this post continues. I suggest watching my video below before you continue:
I certainly understand the anxiety over Valentine’s Day after a breakup. Most people who comment on my YouTube channel or who I’ve coached individually who have this question are concerned that Valentine’s Day could be a make-or-break day in terms of getting their ex back.
The concern is that if you don’t contact your ex with a wish of a “Happy Valentine’s Day,” or, for some, if a gift is not sent, that it will look as though you are neglecting this person and, therefore, pushing them away even more than they are already.
Some people also feel, even if they can’t put it into these words, that if they find the perfect gift — be it something the other person really likes or something that meaningfully communicates the love they have for their ex — it could cause their ex to want to get back together.
First Know That You And Your Ex Are Not On The Same Page
This might be obvious to you or it might be something you haven’t yet considered since the breakup, but a gift from you on Valentine’s Day will almost certainly be received differently by your ex from you than it would if you received a gift on that day from them.
You would celebrate and probably cry happy tears, thinking that the gift meant that your ex still cared and possibly wanted to get back together with you, but at the moment, your ex isn’t making an effort to get back together with you. That should guide you.
In fact, your ex could still be in the first stage that the breaker goes through after dumping you and that is the stage of relief. If in this stage, your ex is relieved to have gotten the breakup over with and is looking forward to life as they thought it would be without the relationship that you two had.
I have a video called, “Stages Your Ex Goes Through During No Contact,” and in it I explain that if you use the No Contact Rule, that your ex goes through some predictable stages that could result in them wanting to get back together with you.
It’s not one-hundred percent certain because we are dealing with people who have freewill and are all complicated even to themselves, but based on twenty years in relationship-coaching, I can tell you that the No Contact Rule gives you a good chance as opposed to begging, pleading, and initiating contact.
Breaking no contact on Valentine’s Day doesn’t make sense anymore than it does any other day.
As I often say, you can’t bribe your ex to want you back or to fall in love with you again or else it’s not really love. So picking out the perfect gift shouldn’t be a prerequisite to this person wanting to be with you.
What’s more, your ex is not in the right frame of mind, most likely, to be swayed positively by your warm and thoughtful gift or well wishes.
Your ex might feel pity for you because you clearly are still hung up on them and making efforts to try to get them back. Pity doesn’t increase attraction. It lowers it. It kicks it while it’s down.
Plus, you reassure your ex that he/she is not in danger of losing you.
Part of the no contact rule’s strategy is to give your ex a picture of what it’s really like without you since the breakup has only been a concept in their mind up until this point. If you break no contact, not only do you start the clock over on them wondering why in the world you aren’t contacting them (see my video, “Does Your Ex Want You To Contact Them?”), but you remove the experience of them having to live without you.
On Valentine’s Day, your ex should not enjoy the privilege of being your girlfriend or boyfriend in order for them to see how important it was to them. Quite simply, humans don’t appreciate things until they are gone. As cliche as that is, it’s true. Be it freedom, success, money, health, or love, if we’ve never truly had to do without it, we don’t fully realize its importance and value.
I encourage you to give your ex the gift of missing you this Valentine’s Day if you want to get back together with him/her. They’ll likely feel your absence more than usual on this day so allow that to work for you.
See the accompanying article at https://myexbackcoach.com/should-you-send-a-gift-to-your-ex-on-valentines-day/
